Several years ago, I lived in an apartment community that was full of people just like me. Lots of young, early twenties single people. My apartment was in a prime location in that it was on the third floor and over looked this courtyard/dog park in which my building and four others surrounded. There was a total of about 17 balconies that overlooked the park, and let me tell you - I did a LOT of people watching from mine.
One particular evening, I was camped out just outside my apartment with a Jane Austen novel and a beer. It was a particularly lovely evening after a particularly icky day. As I enjoyed the outdoors, the guy who had recently moved into my building came out to walk and play with his super cute dog.
Let's call this guy Bob.
Neighbor Bob acknowledges me, gives a quick nod of the head to say coyly "what's up" and goes along to play with his dog. Now, as I mentioned, it had been a particularly icky day, and regrettably, I am a sucker for a good nod of the head. Not to mention a nod of the head followed by some really adorable quality time with an equally adorable dog! He got some points right away, simply for having an adorable dog. Neighbor Bob had my attention. As he makes his way back to his apartment, he stops to chat:
"Rough day?" Points - I liked that he was intuitive. But then again, it's not every day you see a girl chillin with Jane Austen and beer, so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she's had a rough day, right? I would soon learn that Neighbor Bob was far from genius.
"Pretty much." I say.
"You want some company?" Points - I liked that he & his adorable dog wanted to be my company. Neighbor Bob wanders up to where I was perched on the steps with the aforementioned adorable dog & introduces him as "Cain." Points - how cute - a biblical name!
We chat about Cain for a minute or two, all the while, I'm trying to be adorable myself and play with the dog. After all, who doesn't love a beer drinking girl who likes adorable dogs? Then Neighbor Bob asks if I happen to have an extra beer to share, and decides he's gonna put the dog up while we continue chatting. I was a little weirded out that he just came right out and asked if he could have a beer, but I did have some to share, and I did want some company, so I ran inside to get one for him while he put Cain back inside.
This is when it got really weird.
Neighbor Bob is coming out of his apartment to reclaim his seat and have his beer, and just as he steps outside he looks at me from across the way and says, "you don't happen to have any..." and proceeds to motion as if he were smoking a joint. (red flag.)
Interesting.
Now. I was a homeschool kid. So naturally, my little brain did not understand what he was asking me at first. I'm sure the way I cocked my head and peered at him questioningly was reminiscent of the dog. It didn't take long to figure it out though (the pantomime helped). I immediately called to mind my days in the D.A.R.E program and replied:
"What?! NO I don't have any of that!" (just said no.)
That went beyond ballsy, it was just down right appalling (to a homeschool kid). I was stunned that this guy would come right out and ask if I had any drugs!
Despite my complete bewilderment, Neighbor Bob & I chatted for a bit. I learned that he was from Louisiana & came to Fort Worth after Hurricane Katrina (red flag). I learned that his dog's name is short for Cannabis (biblical schmiblical). I also learned that he often "connected" with the 19 year old girl that lived on the first floor of our building (eew).
It didn't take Neighbor Bob very long to figure out that he was not really my type. Maybe it was the fact that I'd gone back to reading my book while he blabbed about his successful career as a waiter. He did what I can only assume was an effort to redeem himself: He started asking me questions about myself. He wanted to know what I did for a living, where I was from and what my parents did for a living.
"Oh, my Dad is a cop."
Bingo.
That'll sober up a toker real quick. It was really pretty entertaining to watch him freeze and his lazy, bloodshot eyes get as big as they should normally be.
"And I just asked if you had any weed."
Yes, yes you did.
It was really nice to meet you Neighbor Bob. I'm pretty sure first floor girl could use some company right about now.
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